One phrase which represents the life and tragedy of every Pakistani is ‘log kya kahein gey’

16

Nov
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Log Kya Kahein Gey

One phrase which represents the life and tragedy of every Pakistani is ‘log kya kahein gey’. This four word statement has had a stronger impact on most of our lives than that of the political turmoil and 4 martial laws in our country. From childhood, all of us are taught at home, school, in fact by society as a whole, to consider what other people will think of us. Be it our appearance, our achievements, our lifestyle, or our friendships. A materialistic attentiveness takes over our practical and true self, whose main objective in life is to please and be the envy of others.

As a Pakistani child, our brain is programmed to always think of the opinion others have regarding us. This gradually becomes less of a voluntary act, and more of a reflex action, or a necessity. With time, majority of the things we do in life begin to revolve around what other people will think or say. As we begin our own lives as adults, the fear and approach of ‘log kya kahein gey’ becomes deeply ingrained in our entire being. So is the vicious cycle which would forever govern your life.

One day then, you start a family of your own. There’s a little human being whose life is to be shaped by you and your SO. As that tiny tot grows, you realize that every word you say, every action you carry out will define his personality. You try to do away with your bad habits and negative vibes, such as bad language, pessimism, etc. However, even at this point, you forget to throw out the ‘log kya kahein gey’ mindset. As your child grows, he learns the best of manners, etiquette, culture, tradition, faith, etc., but he also becomes trapped with money-oriented values and people-pleasing disposition.

As a parent, there is a constant worry on your head of how your child will turn out in life, what their future beholds, and also, ‘log kya kahein gey’. You scrutinize everything from your child’s grades, to their friends, approving or disapproving according to the standards and norms set by society. When your son comes home with a bad test result, the more vexing issue at hand is not of your child’s education, but of what your neighbor whose son got 98% will say. When your daughter wishes to sleepover at a friend’s house for her birthday, the deciding factor for you is what will people say when they find out that a young girl was at someone else’s house the whole night.

Slowly, you proceed to impose the same choices and views upon your child which were thrust upon you in your early years, and teach them the basics of superficiality and small-mindedness. You buy them impractical, expensive products, teaching them to look for brand names which impress their friends rather than pragmatism. You teach them to suppress their individuality and conform to the stereotypes approved by society, killing their uniqueness. With time, you re-create the same tragedy which you went through as a child and create another dysfunctional human being whose sole purpose in life is to worry about ‘log kya kahein gey’.

This way, you not only ruin your child’s personality, but also add another conformist robot to society. Rather than focusing on comparing your child, or his wants and dreams with others, teach him to be his own competition. Instead of training him to choose expensive branded clothes, make him work on personal development and self improvement. Forget about what people say as their main job is to criticize and take down others. Let your child break free from the societal norms and negativity and become a strong, independent adult who is able to walk their own path.

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11

Nov
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The Joy of having a child

What is it like to have a child in your life? Is it sleepless nights, draining bank accounts and compromising work or is it one of the most amazing experiences? Defining what it is like to have children in your life is never easy. It is a rollercoaster of emotions, responsibilities and happiness. The eccentric feeling of being parents is not when you hold your child in your arms for the first time but it begins with a doctor announcing that a little bundle of joy is nurturing inside the woman’s womb. How blessed a couple will feel!

The idea of having a child sends parents in a world of tranquility. They spend days and nights thinking about the one about to enter their life. They begin with choosing a name –which doesn’t end at least till the delivery is due –and went on and on about what will be the first word of their child, how will their first birthday be celebrated, which school will he go to, and the list goes on. Parents and grandparents spend hours in shopping for the little bundle of joy. A nursery is renovated, a cradle is placed in the middle of the room, a wall is painted, and a closet is set. All wait for the time to fly and the entrance of a little angel in their life.

The day arrives when finally you take your child in your arms. Their soft cries are like romantic ballads to ears.Having a child make you forget about all your worries. There’s nothing in the world as magical as the warmth of a child’s body. There’s nothing in the world as comforting as the smile of your little baby. There’s no gift as precious as a child –a Nature’s way of telling you how blessed you are.

Having a child completely transforms you. You are no longer a shy person. You are courageous. There’s nothing in this world you wouldn’t face in order to keep your child happy and smiling. Childbirth turns a couple stronger. Life difficulties and hardships dissipate when you know that your hard work is for the good of your child. Children are the biggest blessing for every couple. They are the coolness of their parents’ eyes. They are a wave of freshness and joy. The love shared by parents and children wipe away all fears of having a child. Responsibilities become manageable when you are greeted with your children’s happy faces.

A child brings sense of purpose to your life. It tells you how and where your time should be spent. It helps you in setting priorities in life. Children bring immense amount of joy and laughter in your life. Their innocence helps you to fight the monsters within yourself. Granted you will have few bad days. There will be a time when you will be drowning under a heap of responsibilities. Maybe, it will seem like you cannot manage anything at all. However, one fine look at your baby will wipe away all your worries.

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11

Nov
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Why Fathers Should Spend More And More Time With Kids?

A father’s love contribute as much as a mother’s love in developing the lives of their children. Research conducted in this field shows that the power of parental rejection and acceptance is quite strong in shaping our personalities as children and into adulthood.

Rohner and co-author Abdul Khaleque found that in response to rejection by their fathers, children tend to feel more anxious and insecure, as well as more hostile and aggressive toward others.

When it comes to the impact of a father’s love versus that of a mother, results from more than 500 studies suggest that while children and adults often experience more or less the same level of acceptance or rejection from each parent, the influence of father’s rejection can be much greater than the mother’s.

Father’s love is critical to a person’s development. Here are some of the reasons why fathers should spend more time with their kids.

Children with High IQ

 According to academics at the University of Newcastle, regardless of your own intelligence, just being involved in your child’s life will result in them being smarter and more prosperous. Father’s involvement in child’s development benefits in terms of skills and abilities that endure throughout adult life. A study in 2008 looked at more than 11,000 British fifty year-olds, and found that those whose fathers had been heavily involved in their childhoods had higher IQ scores.

Higher Self Esteem

 A study conducted by academics at Pennsylvania State University in 2012 followed the fortunes of 200 families, finding that children with involved fathers “may develop higher general self-worth because their fathers go beyond social expectations to devote undivided attention to them.”The more time a child spends with the fathers, both alone and as part of a group, the greater confidence they grow up with.

 Children Get in Less Trouble

 The closer the relationship fathers have with their children, the greater is thepossibility that the children will have high self-respect and self-acceptance. Less involved fathers facilitate the opposite reactions. For example, in a recent article published in American Psychologist, Dr. Louise Silverstein writes: “Research clearly documents the direct correlation between father absence and higher rates of aggressive behavior in sons, sexually precocious behavior in daughters, and more rigid sex stereotypes in children of both sexes.”

Children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers. These children also are less likely to get in trouble at home, school, or in the neighborhood.

You Can Understand Their Abilities Better

The more time you spend with your children, the more realistically you will be able to assess their capacities and the more aware you will be of their particular talents and sensibilities. You will, therefore, have the optimal opportunity to provide challenging and stimulating interactions. You will discover not only what they enjoy doing, but how they enjoy doing it.

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10

Nov
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The hassle of keeping all the memories

After each day at the end, life boils down to all your experiences. You are supposed to have good experiences and you’ll also have some bad experiences but you are a culmination of the things you’ve done and learned – the outcome is always a result of everything combined that you have had to go through. That refers to the fact it is always very important and crucial to keep those memories around so you can enjoy them. Would you rather stay in the moment, live it to its fullest or would you rather want the memories to remain intact as well so when tomorrow, you look at them, you end up smiling? The answer is usually both of them. But keeping all the memories together is a hassle. The human brain is a wonderful creation but it is a bit faulty in remembering every minute detail and event. However, with the advancement of technology it has become easy to track record of all the memories made with the right tools and habits.

What are the best ways to keep memories? How can we save them all without a lot of hassle and enjoy them later?

Let’s take a look at some of the proposed ideas in this regard.

Take Photos!

You don’t need to be a super creative photographer or you must not own a fancy DSLR in order to capture photos and freeze the moments. Just a sharp instinct and a decent camera – and you are there, start clicking and keep saving your precious memories.
As they say, ‘A snapshot keeps a good moment from running away.’

Be Creative!

People go all sorts of crazy in order to show their creativity. You can get your kids a crayon box and a drawing book – the two will help them draw it all and you can keep them safe. You can make them write their favorite memories on wall-hangings, charts, cards or even dinner plates. These ideas might sound funny but when done with interest can help one collect a stash of fun memories that can be called as art as well.

Make Some Vacation Jars!

This is a fun idea and you’ll have decoration pieces by the end as well. If you go camping or just go for some fun party at the beach; start collecting whatever is available there, from seashells to pine needles and pine cones – collect them all, put them in jars with other cute items including a family picture and you have all your memories saved in one place that can serve as a nice center piece on your table as well.

Make Your Own Website!

Today is the era of technology and we like to have everything easy, saved at a single spot. A website sounds the best idea where you can put up your pictures and write your journeys in the fanciest ways.

Journals!

Nothing feels better than inked words – write them away in journals and keep the memories save.

 Having a record of all the memories is a hassle but the above mentioned ideas will help you manage the entire pile effectively.

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10

Nov
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CHILDREN KNOW IT ALL ! ! !

Remember when the old granny told us that talk the way you want your kid to talk and walk the way you want your kid to walk. Yes, this absolutely is true.

Children start to perceive things much earlier than you really have an idea about. A study reveals that whatever a seven months pregnant lady listens up to is in the subconscious of the child. That is why we are often told to be careful about the things we enjoy and admire. A child has a blank mind; whatever picture you draw on it would be seen by the world.

In recent past, a child was diagnosed by a psychological issue at a very young age and that turned the matter into the fact that his parents used to fight a lot when he was only six months. This interprets that a six months old comprehends its surroundings way more than we assume. It is also important to state that growing up is a state of mind. More than it comes from experience, it comes from what state of mind you possess. When children go through stuff that makes them shake up their memories and lives, it impacts them in one way or the other.

All of the perceptions do not regard the negativities around only; many a times there is a significant sense in children about passion and love at a very early age. Whatever the like in particular gets obvious by their mood.

Quick question about this will help you understand this concept better: how does your child answers to who loves him more, you or your partner? Your child has his own parameters to judge love and that too without telling. He has a way smarter perspective than you think he has. This is the best example of what we are talking. It is the sense of understanding and care that lets the child believe who loves him more. You can never be sure what affects your child the most, though.

Children without knowing the use of watches or clocks, have a time for everything. There is a certain time they well ask for food, they have a particular time for when to start crying at night or when to sleep in the noon. They work through a time mechanistic program and this all happens even when they don’t even talk.

It is also believed that the psychology of parents gets transferred too in the child. For example, if a child has a mother who is depressed, after sometime the child would start being depressed in his own way. Children start sensing the emotions even if the words are not exchanged. Just like cats, children too sense emotions through eyes. You think you can fake it but you cannot. Their perceiving game is real and strong.

At an early age, the child start to understand the roles each family member possesses and this is when his primary socialization starts.

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7

Nov
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Five things you wish you could control after your first child!

Life does not remain the same after the first child; there are certain changes and compromises that have to be made in order to keep up with the demands of parenthood. These compromises are the core reasons why parenthood is generally considered to be not a deal of the unwise. They need to be considered and thought upon well beforehand because once on this path, there is no turning back. This article has five of the general compromises that parents often wish they could control. They are listed below:

  1. Increase in responsibility:

People are generally afraid of responsibilities and they do not take them unless it becomes apparent that they will be able to fulfill them. This scenario is how it is supposed to be at least. When looking at it through this point of view, parenthood seems very scary. The responsibility of a little human then rests entirely on the parents’ shoulders and that is not something that can be taken lightly. The parents then have to look after their child until he/she grows old and becomes wise enough to take his/her own responsibility. That is a very long journey in itself. It is very important for people to understand this before becoming a parent.

  1. Identity Issues:

This is something very few people ponder upon while preparing their minds for a baby, however, it has the tendency to influence a lot of our decisions in our lives after becoming a parent. A child is born with their identity infused in their parents’ identity. Whatever they wear, however they live and the way they behave reflect directly upon their upbringing and hence on their parents’ identity. People start judging parents through their baby. Their attentions divert to the baby, and the baby suddenly starts defining them.

  1. Our personal physical needs:

This is a very common and widely known problem faced by parents all around the world. The physical chaos a person falls into after becoming a parent; the extremely fluctuating sleep cycles, lack of sense of individuality, obesity in many cases, and no personal space because babies stick with their parents and things like pampers etc. Every parent wishes that he/she could control all these things.

  1. Social sacrifices:

Babies restrict the social lives of their parents a lot because of the fact that those poor little creatures depend on them for their survival. They do not even know about this until they are told that they depend on their parents. In paying attention to their baby, their connections with other people do not matter anymore and nobody remains more important than their little baby.

  1. Distance between the spouses:

This distance synthesizes because of the very fact mentioned above, i.e. babies take up the due time of a lot of people in our lives including the time spouses have for each other. Even if ever so slightly, the relationship between two spouses does get influenced. It leads to separation in some cases.

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